Newspaper Article Number 1

WMG Funeral

Today is a day to live that will live in infamy. The roads are empty, the air is dry, even the most talkative of people remain silent. On this day, this special unforgettable day, the funeral of Warner Music Group (WMG) shall now commence. The YouTube staff sat in the front, tears streaming down their heartbroken faces, one of them even whimpering out silent sobs. As the coffin was dropped into the ground, everyone sitting within the room was moved to the very edge of the chair. When it finally fell, a gargantuan sound exploded throughtout the room. The sound, so large, could even be heard five blocks away. The YouTube staff stared dumbfoundedly, as they watched their product's users, their users, ...cheer. Everyone, minus the awestruck YouTube staff, sprang out of their seats screaming with the joy a candybar brings to a child. The all run outside at a speed comparable to that of light and began to have one of, if not the most wild party in the history of parties.

"Finally, fina-*#@%-ly!" the ecstatic Ernie Frye shouts, hugging the nearest person. "I have been waiting for this moment since the day my whole playlist got it's sound turned off, just because WMG didn't 'approve the music selection used'. Please! My fish can choose better music than it does and all it listens to is polka!"

"All I can say is that I'm glad that little girl killed 'em." Tina Garfield said, spray painting "Suck it You$^$$#^%" on the side of the YouTube van. "Hey, I wonder where she is?"
A sound erupted out of the cathedral. As everyone walked in, they stopped dead in their tracks. Blood was splattered all over the walls. The YouTube staff lied on the ground, eyes wide open, their blood staining the ground below them. A little girl came out from behind the curtain, holding a gun covered with blood. "What?" she said when she noticed their staring. "I said I was gonna kill WMG and these ^%#$& right here." Another great cheer erupted out of the crowd as they picked her up and carried her to the party. I start to leave but then stop in my tracks. "Oh my god" I said, trembling. "She's going after Google next."